speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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