It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
