dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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