I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
