Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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