You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
