there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I party with great urgency now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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