i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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