i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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