is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
