If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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