I feel great
I just peed on a car
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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