He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
even my farts smell like vagina
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
