Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
