i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
