it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
