I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
