Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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