meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
