Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
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When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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