Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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