i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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