You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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