I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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