I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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