everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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