oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
