dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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