he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
