There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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