Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
