oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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