my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
