He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
