I can text with my tongue
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
