your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
