Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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