You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
