Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
