Duck Duck Cougar?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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