I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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