everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
