You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
