Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
