She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
