I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
