can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I touched a dick in church today
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
