Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
