woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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