I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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