I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
