The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
whose parrot is this?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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