He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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