and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
