What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
