The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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