Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
