Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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