ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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