My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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