I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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