what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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