Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
