So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
