I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
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You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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