i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
