Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
