Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
