Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
