After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
