Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
