Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
