are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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