I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
