Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
