i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up under a house in Key West
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
